Marraige Retreat Weekend

A year ago, My wife and I attended a Marriage retreat weekend through our church.   The theme was Gary Chapman's The 5 Languages of Love.  A great book and conversation piece.  If you just read the book, the insight you would gain is enormous.  If you read the book and actually put into practice the principles contained within, the results could very well improve your love life and relationship to levels you never thought possible.

Two weekends ago, We attended another marriage weekend.  This one was about intimacy, and communication.  I wasn't really sure what to expect on this one, and as always when you attend a church weekend, you always worry about if its going to be all about the power of prayer in your marriage.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer, but you also have to work at the prayer to make it come true.   You can pray to be wealthy all you want, but if your don't change your income, and spending habits, its not going to happen.  God helps those, who help themselves.  So the seminar started out with a wonderful video of communication.  It's always eye opening to me to see your issues and glitches portrayed by someone who has never met you, doesn't know you, and is presenting information to a large group.  Its very similar to the feeling you get when the Pastor or Priest at your church talks about a issue during his sermon, and you feel like he\she is zeroing in on you.  As the weekend progressed, my wife and I, Maryann, determined to put the work in required to get the maximum effect back, bared our souls, opened up our hearts and really poured out our feelings, good and bad to each other.    What we found out at the end of the weekend was, we're pretty good together.  Our Marriage is on a pretty good foundation.  We have a strong belief in Christ as our savior, and because of that, we have a very strong commitment to each other.  One of the facilitators, told a personal experience ,that at a very young age, when her children had witnessed them arguing , sat them down and said, We're never going to call it quits no matter how bad it gets.    Great advice and I wish I had heard that advice when I was younger.   My wife and I have had our troubles, and there were times when we both felt that might be the right answer.  I thank God that we never took that step.  It might be the right step for others, but never for us.   

At the end of the weekend, we were exhausted and really re-connected.  The one thing that stuck with us, was Marriage is work, hard work.  But then again... isn't everything that's worth having, worth working for?

The legends of the summer, a long time ago...

In my home town, there were a series of fields of battle, where ancient Gods battled in epic wars of speed, agility, strength and cunning. The Colosseum's were built by the Romans, Greeks or even Babylonians. These hollowed grounds were forged by fathers, who dreamed of fame and fortunes that the product of their loins would surely begin to forge on these platforms of grass and dirt. 


The ball fields were protected by carefully manicured mounds of peanut butter and coca.  They laid in waiting behind the massive steel structures of chain link and skyscraper sized poles.They seemed to tower forever allowing only the highest of clouds to pass unobstructed.  They began an invisible barrier that would separate the mortals from the Gods.   Looking through them onto the field showed a glimpse of a natural carpet which radiated so green that the City of Oz, would've wanted if such magnificent color ever existed outside the realm of battle standing before you.  The grass was enclosed by the finest sand, top soil, sweat collected from exotic lands far beyond our borders.  The sweat remnants of battles of Gods whose best days have since passed away.  


You waited on the wood benches adoring the edges of the field with great anticipation to be invited to play.  You leaped with joy inside when the long awaited hand motion or call were aimed in your direction.  You trotted across the milky white lines and were instantly transformed from a young boy, into the hero's of your youth.  We took the possession of locations assigned to us by the weathered seasoned dispatchers of knowledge.  We prepared for battle, we nervously awaited the coming wave of carefully directed onslaught.  We became one in a symbiotic relationship with the field of battle.  We moved like panthers and cheetahs, stalking and attacking a prey, that lowly sphere, the magic contained could transform you from a mere mortal into a steely God of the ball diamond.  After you won the battle, on the grass, you took conquest of the smallest part of the universe. The sphere of Gods is hurled at you, those who can stand against it earn respect, but only those who swing their massive weapons striking true, will earn the God title of Ballplayer.
The battles raged every day into the night, some soldiers were bestowed a victory,while others dreams of the perfect season were crushed, destroyed and dismissed, but fear not brave warrior, You still have next year to earn the legendary status.

Sunday afternoons...

I love my Sundays. I work for the weekends all week.  I love the solace, I love the lack of structure.  I awake on weekend, I often smell my wife's coffee brewing. The first few minutes I'm awake are the most important of my day. Its when I review my "schedule".   Sometimes its a crowded abstract of events and happenings and travel.  Then there are others that are clear and without structure.  These are the ones that I treasure the most.

I love when a weekend exists only to exists.  I love a weekend without substance, without plans, or agendas.  I find myself on these weekends, I'm able to relax and not think of anything.   My mind gets to rest, unwind and process life.   I sit in a easy chair and barely move.   All of my senses, take a rest.  Given my own devices I will fall asleep in that chair and doze peacefully for hours.  I can go for hours, without food, water even human contact.  I can exist by simply not existing.   I know at some point I must eat, and drink, and even seek out human contact.  For now I am content to simply exist.

There are so many things, I could be doing, should be doing. Instead I sit here, watching movies.  The leaves in the front yard pile up.  The projects remain undone.  The great American novel I wanted to write sits never started.  The only thing, that will be accomplished today, is the preservation of  energy.  I'm going to kid myself and say that Im recovering from my weekend workout.  but that is just a simple lie. 

I think what makes weekends these weekends is that they don't require a specific location, time frames or even participants.  They exist because I simply chose to exist.   I wish I could bottle these weekends  and store them away for those weekends that our so jam packed with event, participants and locations.  Since that's not possible, I'll just enjoy the weekend.

shhhh hear that?  exactly.

In the town where I was rasied...

with apologies to Kenny Chesney, I thought perhaps some insight as to where I came from, and how things were then might explain a lot about me , and why I am the way I am.

The town I grew up in was a very small town when I remember it first.  We had some paved streets, but we had more that werent  There was a fire road next to my house, that ran through some fields next to and behind my house.  My back yard began a series of fields and vacant lots that stretched a half mile to the interstate.  The adventures I had in those fields.  They were baseball fields, battlefields, jungles and long lost excursions into the frozen tundra.   Those fields were my home away from home.   We dug foxholes, forts, tunnels and of course built the required tree house, many times.  We had mini wars in them, we stole corn and hid in them, and we even raided trains from them. 

Those fields effectively worked as the border of the world for us at that age.  We were sometimes brave enough to venture to that edge.  We'd take a bag lunch, because it was long walk. We'd bring flashlights and extra clothes for the weather.  We'd be extra careful to avoid the wild animals that lived in the woods, we'd all heard tales of bears, and lions, but all we could ever catch a glimpse of were the extremely dangerous killer squirrels and possums.   There were a line of trees, at the southern border of the world, it was there we made a tree forts.  We were Sargent's , Lieutenants, Captains and Generals, Explorers and Indian Chiefs.   We'd take pieces of wood, from nearby construction projects, there were no slabs in a tree. These were massive tree estates.  We'd add on to each others elevated estates, a finished product would rival the Taj Mahal.  We'd always identify which additions we were responsible for.  You would write your name on the wall or ceiling you added. We spent the better part of the summers and falls in those estates.   Oddly enough, Girls were never allowed in the field, weeds or woods.  It wasnt their parents, it was the unwritten law of the men of battle.

Customer Service.

If you Own, manage, or work at an establishment that requires you to deal with customers, I have a tip for you.  You can choose to follow it, or run the risk of going out of business.  These rules are simple and apply to all businesses.  Where they are specific to one type of business Ive indicated so.

When I walk in, at least make eye contact.  If you want me to buy something say hello make me feel welcomed.  You don't have to tell me your life story, or your business secrets, but don't treat me as an intrusion and expect me to buy anything.

When I ask you a question, don't roll your eyes, or give me a big sigh, that's why you have a job, if I could serve myself without talking to you at all, you wouldn't be there.  one thing that pisses me off to no end, is to have to cough or say excuse me when you are reading the paper, magazine or watching the TV.   If you are on your cell phone and not taking care of me, expect me to get pissed.  If you don't like waiting on people go get a job where you wont have to.   Remember you made a choice to work where you do.  If you don't like that much that you spend your day being a miserable jerk, then quit.

When you see me standing and waiting, or I ask you if you work there?... don't tell me its not your job, department, shift, or area.  If you work there, GO and get someone.   If you were really smart, You'd be able to help me in any department.  Why?  Because that's how people move into management.

First impressions are lasting impressions.  So comb or brush your hair, your teeth.  Clean your nails, wear clean clothes. you know the basic hygiene your parents should  have told you about?  Yeah they weren't kidding.   Do your self a favor, don't wear excessive jewelery, makeup, facial piercings, or other accessories that aren't appropriate for the work environment.  Hey don't wear your perfume so heavy that we can smell you from a mile away.

And what is working out good for?

Besides the fact that I love working out, and would do it for eight to ten hours a day if I could.  Physical Fitness has many benefits.  First is of course the increased physical condition. I also find that my mind is sharper, clearer and I am definitely less stressed.  

Now any of you that know me, know that I love golfing, and recently hosted and played in the Links Fore Lupus outing.  Well I will tell you that I hit the ball better than ever! Straighter longer and more accurately that ever before.  Its totally because of working out.   My core strength is the key.    I have a workout developed for golf that works and works quickly. 

If you're not working out, get working out, if you are, take a look at what muscles are in use for your favorite activity, and improve them.  tell me if you don't see improvement.

other benefits of working out.

You know those days where you're really stressed out?, tired aggravated from work and don’t really want to go to work out? Well believe it or not, those are the days that the workout will do the most for you.


Daniel M. Landers,ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY wrote an article, that highlights the mental health benefits provided by physical exercise. He states that many mental disorders, can be helped by engaging in physical activity. for more read here. http://www.fitness.gov/mentalhealth.htm The Mayo Clinic also agrees. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043 In their piece they explain how exercise helps prevent and improve a number of health problems. C B Taylor, J F Sallis, and R Needle write in their article, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1424736/ "The strongest evidence suggests that physical activity and exercise probably alleviate some symptoms associated with mild to moderate depression."

So what are we saying. Mental health can be improved by physical activity. From my personal experience when I am working out, my mood goes through the roof. I feel euphoric. Why? well long ago I asked that same question. What I found out was, Endorphins, are released during stress and pain. they react in the body with Opiate receptors. They act like akin to drugs like morphine and codeine. The cool thing is medical science says, they wont lead to addiction. I have to question that being addicted to the euphoric feeling they produce. Another benefit is when the high levels endorphins are released, pain sensors are decreased and fewer negative effects of stress. cool huh? I've found that when I lift either heavy, or at a rapid pace, the Endorphins kick in. Once they kick in, my workout increases and at times can get very intense. The first thing I noticed when I actually noticed that it happened was the strength goes through the roof! I typically can lift on average 10 pounds heavier than I could before. It becomes a cycle, heavier workout = more endorphins= heavier workout. You can substitute heavier for more intense.. for those who are weight reduction or toning. Here’s an example I asked my friend, who I helped set up a workout , what goes through her head during and after she works out.

I asked her what are you thinking when you first started working out.

I mostly think about warmer weather, golfing with you and winning lots of prizes in tournaments.

now my friend is a golfer, a very good golfer, because she has very good visualization techniques and focus. Then I asked her what do you feel after?

After my workout my mind is clear, my thoughts are focused. My mind is not going a mile a minute thinking about 100 things all at once.

I asked her what do feel or think at the end of the workout.

It’s almost like a weight is lifted from me and I feel lighter. Does that make sense?
When I first started working out and especially during the weight training I probably wanted to hit you.. LOL

She is increasing her core strength and her limb strength, while cutting out excess body fat that is getting in her way. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s about to have her best year of golfing yet. She’s only been golfing a couple of years, and she breaks a hundred on a regular basis, and her scores get better every time out. She regularly beats others who are longer time golfers.

Now this is pretty cool in itself. However, its gets even better, I read how mental imaging of your goal, can help you achieve your goal. This is a technique that Anthony Robbins, teaches in his book Awaken the Giant within(http://www.amazon.com/Awaken-Giant-Within-Immediate-Emotional/dp/0671791540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267554798&sr=1-1) Tony says see the goal, you want to achieve, step into it, feel it, smell it. Visualize the work that is required for that goal, and follow them for each step until you reach the goal. I can tell you that my success in going from an overweight couch potato into what I am today came from this very technique. I employ visualization techniques in all phases of my workout. Before I life the bar off the bench I see myself doing the number of reps, I want and always correctly and crisply. I see the results of the exercise, be it to shrink or grow a muscle. I concentrate on that muscle during the exercise. In Tony Robbins book he will tell you that not only does this work, its done by pretty much every great athlete. Do a search on the web and you'll find some great information. Here is why it works.

Seeing it, sets up patterns or memory reflexes that prepare you to DO IT. By seeing it and seeing each step required to do the movement you're training yourself to do that movement. A perfect example is close your eyes, visualize and imagine how to shoot a jumper, imagine each muscle that must move. Go into great detail. visualize the ball rolling from your fingers in slow motion and into the net. You've just learned Michael Jordan’s secret to making the shots he did. Michael has been quoted a million times, I always see it going in. I'm shocked when it doesn’t. Read that last line again. Im shocked when it doesn’t.  Be shocked when it doesn’t work. Remind yourself it always works, Your subconscious will try to fool you. Fight back. I have a friend who's a great golfer, when ever he wants to be. ... I say that because when he is on his game, He sees the ball leave his club, and take the exact path he wants, and land right where he wants, and then he steps up to the ball, and swings the exact same way, his head moves the exact same way, and more often than not, the ball goes the exact same way he imagined. He puts in a lot of work on the practice tees using that exact same swing. Now, if my friend increased his strength, and was in better core shape, He’d be imagining the ball going even farther. He’s held back by the physical limitations he put on himself.   I have a friend/ mentor who was fantastic with a pistol in his hand regarding target practice. He never shot less than 99% since I knew him. He used to say he sees every shot hit the target before it does. He’s developed those shooting muscles over the years of visualization and practice.

To make this work for you, pick your goal, lets say get toned. With each repetition see the muscles you are working, melting away to pure muscle. For instance, you want those flappers under your arms, gone? with each kick back hold that weight at the stress point of the movement and visualize the fat, melting off, onto the floor with your sweat. You'll work out harder to make it happen, your movement will be crisp and snappy, and doing the exercise correctly with a PMA. ( Positive Mental Attitude ) will make it happen. I know because it’s the exact formula I used to completely change my body.

See it, Feel it, Do it , Achieve it

See you again soon.